So in June I was in Missouri for a week in a rustic setting that included outhouses. It was really nice to continue to not poop in water, but honestly I missed the intimacy of a bucket. The outhouses there were the traditional 'long, dark drop' type which made pooping a very anonymous deposit. I like being able to see my poop in the bucket. It's an important indicator of how different foods and I get along and how my body is doing. Before CT scans and other fancy medical gizmos, poop, sorry, stool was a really important way of diagnosing various afflictions.
While looking at my poo, I notice all sorts of things like undigested seeds from serviceberries I foraged. I picked some seeds out of my poo with a stick and am doing an experiment to see if there is a difference in germination rates between serviceberry seeds that are digested away from the fruit and seeds that have been mechanically separated from the fruit. Stay tuned as the moon waxes...
Sayre
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
human versus animal
• 1,000 humans produce as much total solids as:
20 dairy cows
60 beef feeder cattle
280 feeder pigs
6 200 laying hens
11 000 broiler chickens
• 1,000 humans produce as much Total Nitrogen as:
40 dairy cows
90 beef feeder cattle
340 feeder pigs
7 000 laying hens
12 000 broiler chickens
• 1,000 humans produce as much Total Phosphorus as:
30 dairy cows
70 beef feeder cattle
190 feeder pigs
3 800 laying hens
8 600 broiler chickens
• 1,000 humans produce as much Total coliform bacteria as:
30 dairy cows
1 300 beef feeder cattle
10 000 feeder pigs
130 000 laying hens
Dairy Cattle - mature cows
total manure per cow: 68.7 L / day
Beef Cattle - feeders
total manure per animal: 21.3 L / day
Pigs - feeder pigs
total manure per pig: 5.8 L / day
Chickens - laying hens
total manure per chicken: 0.2 L / day
Chickens - broilers
total manure per chicken: 0.07 L / day
from: 'human versus animal: a comparison of waste properties'
fleming and ford, university of guelph, july 2001.
20 dairy cows
60 beef feeder cattle
280 feeder pigs
6 200 laying hens
11 000 broiler chickens
• 1,000 humans produce as much Total Nitrogen as:
40 dairy cows
90 beef feeder cattle
340 feeder pigs
7 000 laying hens
12 000 broiler chickens
• 1,000 humans produce as much Total Phosphorus as:
30 dairy cows
70 beef feeder cattle
190 feeder pigs
3 800 laying hens
8 600 broiler chickens
• 1,000 humans produce as much Total coliform bacteria as:
30 dairy cows
1 300 beef feeder cattle
10 000 feeder pigs
130 000 laying hens
Dairy Cattle - mature cows
total manure per cow: 68.7 L / day
Beef Cattle - feeders
total manure per animal: 21.3 L / day
Pigs - feeder pigs
total manure per pig: 5.8 L / day
Chickens - laying hens
total manure per chicken: 0.2 L / day
Chickens - broilers
total manure per chicken: 0.07 L / day
from: 'human versus animal: a comparison of waste properties'
fleming and ford, university of guelph, july 2001.
Friday, June 20, 2008
satellite pooper from michigan!
Oh! And poop~ okay I am joining the group as an outpost of the outpost. Here are my current habits/functions.
5 gallon poop-n-pee ala heather
I am on bucket #3 and think I have something workable. I do have the luxury of keeping and using everything outside on lots of land. So smell is not an issue or detectable but system is working. I am putting about 3-4” of sawdust on the bottom of the bucket and begin pooping after awhile (doesn’t take too long as I’ve been following a high-fiber diet). It gets so high that I can’t poop freely. (I sit on the rim.) at that point, top it off (fully) with sawdust and move it to a pee only location. Then I pee into it (no t.p. anymore) until the sawdust is moist (sponge damp like good compost – usually determined! Hee hee! or is its feeling appropriately heavy. At this point, I am just letting the bucket sit in the forest but soon I’ll run out of buckets and have to dump. How long will it take to be less/non stinky, messy, recognizable? I was thinking of introducing worms that I find in the local soil to help speed things along.
Honestly my motivation here is really to process and breakdown sawdust. We have and use a sawmill here and have PILES! Of it and nowhere to put it as we can’t put it in the soil or NOTHING WILL GROW THERE. Hey, do you know if that quality of being able to grow anything totally transformed after composting? Presumably yes, but I always eave room for my ignorance.
I am very curious about the characteristics and suitability of consequent soil/compost.
Is there a good/better/best thing to plant in such a soil?
5 gallon poop-n-pee ala heather
I am on bucket #3 and think I have something workable. I do have the luxury of keeping and using everything outside on lots of land. So smell is not an issue or detectable but system is working. I am putting about 3-4” of sawdust on the bottom of the bucket and begin pooping after awhile (doesn’t take too long as I’ve been following a high-fiber diet). It gets so high that I can’t poop freely. (I sit on the rim.) at that point, top it off (fully) with sawdust and move it to a pee only location. Then I pee into it (no t.p. anymore) until the sawdust is moist (sponge damp like good compost – usually determined! Hee hee! or is its feeling appropriately heavy. At this point, I am just letting the bucket sit in the forest but soon I’ll run out of buckets and have to dump. How long will it take to be less/non stinky, messy, recognizable? I was thinking of introducing worms that I find in the local soil to help speed things along.
Honestly my motivation here is really to process and breakdown sawdust. We have and use a sawmill here and have PILES! Of it and nowhere to put it as we can’t put it in the soil or NOTHING WILL GROW THERE. Hey, do you know if that quality of being able to grow anything totally transformed after composting? Presumably yes, but I always eave room for my ignorance.
I am very curious about the characteristics and suitability of consequent soil/compost.
Is there a good/better/best thing to plant in such a soil?
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
The First Bin!
This is a transcribed audio interview with Nance and the fabulous winners of the 'first full bin' award...enjoy!
--------------------------------------
Nance: Do you want to say something about your first two weeks’ experience with Humble Pile?
Sara: Well, ah, my first two weeks of experience it wasn’t as trying as I thought it would be. Like, you know pooping in a bucket it kind of feels like camping inside my house. I like the fact that I get to get toilet paper now for free. I get the
non-bleached napkins from Whole Foods and just snag a whole bunch, put them in my purse and bring them home. Sometimes it’s a little bit hard at night when I’m half awake and have to use the bathroom; sometimes I just use the regular toilet because I don’t want to deal with the bucket. So far so good. Every time I flush the toilet….
Andrew: I heard the toilet flush the other day I washed the dishes the other day and said, “Who flushed this toilet?”
Joanna’s been using the flush toilet because she’s been to lazy to come upstairs, she said “I know it’s such a lame excuse, but I just haven’t made it up to the summit” so I put a bucket downstairs for her.
Eduardo: She likes to save water. That’s why she’s not flushing the toilet all the time.
Nance: Any questions for the last two weeks of Humble Pile?
Chad: it’s been great it’s really like first nature. It’s intuitive. It doesn’t feel like anything different, to be honest. The smell of it, but that’s OK.
Mark: I had a near emergency which is I want to ask if I could spot on the bucket, and I thought, I wasn’t thinking and I did it like I would on a toilet I just stepped on the one side of the bucket and put my weight on it and the bucket fell over. And it was mostly full and like my heart stopped I thought there’s gonna be this big pile of shit on my bathroom floor. And I was like ‘oh shit’. So luckily I, while I was holding my breath, none of the logs did. That was my only close call.
Andrew: I’m, um, definitely a proponent of more that one or two handfuls per log.
Sara: Yeah!
Andrew: Because it’s definitely stinky if you don’t cover up the entire log. And here we turn to Chad!
Chad: Way too much sawdust!
Mark: That’s what I think. Me and Chad are kind of on the same page.
Andrew: That’s why it stinks!
Chad: It’s does not stink! I mean, you’re gonna have two different smells. You’re going to alternate smells one or the other. It’s not like it’s gonna get rid of one.
Mark: I kind of agree with Andrew. Like, I thought it smelled but I wouldn’t want to have any, like, I’ll just say uninitiated guests into the bathroom.
Andrew: Exactly.
Mark: Because, I was bragging to my brother was bragging that it “doesn’t even smell” and he opened the lid and he’s like “oh man!”
Chad: It’s poop, man! I mean, Jesus!
Mark: But is it going to be more palatable to people as a feasible movement? You know, um….
(laughter)
Nance: A “feasible movement” ?????!!!!
Mark: NO pun intended!
(laughter)
Mark: Because you know like my uncle said to me a couple of years ago, he was saying that Ireland was “backwards” He’s like, for example, people are still shitting in outhouses. You know and I’m thinking that we’re “backwards” because we’re shitting in flush toilets, ya know. And then my brother is like “this is like this: no one’s gonna NOT have a toilet in America. That’s why these expensive compost and dry toilets are being sold because they’re shaped like toilets and you could still feel like you’re using a toilet. And they have fans so you’re house doesn’t stink. So if there’s a way we could do it without all that contraption and plastic.
Chad: I don’t know man, I think it’s an enculturated response to poop. That it smells bad. If you could retrain yourself and reeducate yourself. Like it doesn’t even really smell that bad to me.
Andrew: But our poop is really close to our refrigerator! People who shit in the woods and do what we’re trying to assimilate here their poop is not anywhere near they eat.
(laughter)
Andrew: Nowhere near the river where they wash and get their fish.
Sara: Yeah we’re dirty.
Andrew: It’s think it’s a fine smell but there’s a reason that no matter where you’re at, no matter what culture you’re from shit is shit and it stinks for every person.
Mark: I’ve walked into our bedroom and smelled shit and that’s not good.
Sara: Then I don’t know what you guys are up to! Why isn’t it in the bathroom?!
Andrew: The bathroom is right off… The bedroom is just basically the same door to the bathroom.
Nance: I think you need to dump your bucket more often.
Sara: I don’t smell poop in my bedroom. Just to let you guys know, it’s not smelling anymore.
Andrew: I would like to share a little anecdote that didn’t get recorded yet. So, Sarah’s friend Nancy came over and I was in the kitchen doing dishes, and doing something, eating and Sara was in the bathroom and Sara shouts through the door “Nancy did I tell you yet that we poop in buckets?” And Nancy was like, “No, you didn’t but that’s so funny because just earlier today my coworker and I were talking about this lady on the Southside that’s spreading around all these buckets and having people poop in them!” And Sara and I were like, “I think that’s the same person! Is her name Nance?” So that was a fun time.
(laughter)
Chad: It’s not an obsession or anything but we would, I’m 40 and just a few years ago, me and my friends would send pictures of our shits to each other cause… who doesn’t look at their shit after they shit?
Sara: I look at my shit.
Chad: I know. It’s just a natural thing. There’s something about it.
(laughter)
Andrew: I have to look at what’s happening.
Mark: Eduardo, when you poo, do you look at it?
Eduardo: Um, yeah.
(laughter)
Mark: Do you look at mine?
Eduardo: I want a visual of what’s going on there.
Sara: I do have to say that pooping in the bucket, my poop does look a lot smaller than in the toilet.
Mark: I think mine looks bigger!
Andrew: It feels bigger than life in the bucket!
Chad: I tell you why. The amount of pressure that goes into a poop, I’m really fascinated by what comes out!
Nance: The product of your energy.
Chad: Yeah, basically.
Nance: You’re packing in one right now!
(laughter)
Mark: So how many people have you had conversations with?
Nance: You guys are the first. You guys are the first ones who loaded up a bin.
(laughter)
Nance: I have to put a #1 on your bin!
Mark, Andrew, Sara, Chad: Yah!!!!!
--------------------------------------
Nance: Do you want to say something about your first two weeks’ experience with Humble Pile?
Sara: Well, ah, my first two weeks of experience it wasn’t as trying as I thought it would be. Like, you know pooping in a bucket it kind of feels like camping inside my house. I like the fact that I get to get toilet paper now for free. I get the
non-bleached napkins from Whole Foods and just snag a whole bunch, put them in my purse and bring them home. Sometimes it’s a little bit hard at night when I’m half awake and have to use the bathroom; sometimes I just use the regular toilet because I don’t want to deal with the bucket. So far so good. Every time I flush the toilet….Andrew: I heard the toilet flush the other day I washed the dishes the other day and said, “Who flushed this toilet?”
Joanna’s been using the flush toilet because she’s been to lazy to come upstairs, she said “I know it’s such a lame excuse, but I just haven’t made it up to the summit” so I put a bucket downstairs for her.
Eduardo: She likes to save water. That’s why she’s not flushing the toilet all the time.
Nance: Any questions for the last two weeks of Humble Pile?
Chad: it’s been great it’s really like first nature. It’s intuitive. It doesn’t feel like anything different, to be honest. The smell of it, but that’s OK.
Mark: I had a near emergency which is I want to ask if I could spot on the bucket, and I thought, I wasn’t thinking and I did it like I would on a toilet I just stepped on the one side of the bucket and put my weight on it and the bucket fell over. And it was mostly full and like my heart stopped I thought there’s gonna be this big pile of shit on my bathroom floor. And I was like ‘oh shit’. So luckily I, while I was holding my breath, none of the logs did. That was my only close call.
Andrew: I’m, um, definitely a proponent of more that one or two handfuls per log.
Sara: Yeah!
Andrew: Because it’s definitely stinky if you don’t cover up the entire log. And here we turn to Chad!
Chad: Way too much sawdust!
Mark: That’s what I think. Me and Chad are kind of on the same page.
Andrew: That’s why it stinks!
Chad: It’s does not stink! I mean, you’re gonna have two different smells. You’re going to alternate smells one or the other. It’s not like it’s gonna get rid of one.
Mark: I kind of agree with Andrew. Like, I thought it smelled but I wouldn’t want to have any, like, I’ll just say uninitiated guests into the bathroom.
Andrew: Exactly.
Mark: Because, I was bragging to my brother was bragging that it “doesn’t even smell” and he opened the lid and he’s like “oh man!”
Chad: It’s poop, man! I mean, Jesus!
Mark: But is it going to be more palatable to people as a feasible movement? You know, um….
(laughter)
Nance: A “feasible movement” ?????!!!!
Mark: NO pun intended!
(laughter)
Mark: Because you know like my uncle said to me a couple of years ago, he was saying that Ireland was “backwards” He’s like, for example, people are still shitting in outhouses. You know and I’m thinking that we’re “backwards” because we’re shitting in flush toilets, ya know. And then my brother is like “this is like this: no one’s gonna NOT have a toilet in America. That’s why these expensive compost and dry toilets are being sold because they’re shaped like toilets and you could still feel like you’re using a toilet. And they have fans so you’re house doesn’t stink. So if there’s a way we could do it without all that contraption and plastic.
Chad: I don’t know man, I think it’s an enculturated response to poop. That it smells bad. If you could retrain yourself and reeducate yourself. Like it doesn’t even really smell that bad to me.
Andrew: But our poop is really close to our refrigerator! People who shit in the woods and do what we’re trying to assimilate here their poop is not anywhere near they eat.
(laughter)
Andrew: Nowhere near the river where they wash and get their fish.
Sara: Yeah we’re dirty.
Andrew: It’s think it’s a fine smell but there’s a reason that no matter where you’re at, no matter what culture you’re from shit is shit and it stinks for every person.
Mark: I’ve walked into our bedroom and smelled shit and that’s not good.
Sara: Then I don’t know what you guys are up to! Why isn’t it in the bathroom?!
Andrew: The bathroom is right off… The bedroom is just basically the same door to the bathroom.
Nance: I think you need to dump your bucket more often.
Sara: I don’t smell poop in my bedroom. Just to let you guys know, it’s not smelling anymore.
Andrew: I would like to share a little anecdote that didn’t get recorded yet. So, Sarah’s friend Nancy came over and I was in the kitchen doing dishes, and doing something, eating and Sara was in the bathroom and Sara shouts through the door “Nancy did I tell you yet that we poop in buckets?” And Nancy was like, “No, you didn’t but that’s so funny because just earlier today my coworker and I were talking about this lady on the Southside that’s spreading around all these buckets and having people poop in them!” And Sara and I were like, “I think that’s the same person! Is her name Nance?” So that was a fun time.
(laughter)
Chad: It’s not an obsession or anything but we would, I’m 40 and just a few years ago, me and my friends would send pictures of our shits to each other cause… who doesn’t look at their shit after they shit?
Sara: I look at my shit.
Chad: I know. It’s just a natural thing. There’s something about it.
(laughter)
Andrew: I have to look at what’s happening.
Mark: Eduardo, when you poo, do you look at it?
Eduardo: Um, yeah.
(laughter)
Mark: Do you look at mine?
Eduardo: I want a visual of what’s going on there.
Sara: I do have to say that pooping in the bucket, my poop does look a lot smaller than in the toilet.
Mark: I think mine looks bigger!
Andrew: It feels bigger than life in the bucket!
Chad: I tell you why. The amount of pressure that goes into a poop, I’m really fascinated by what comes out!
Nance: The product of your energy.
Chad: Yeah, basically.
Nance: You’re packing in one right now!
(laughter)
Mark: So how many people have you had conversations with?
Nance: You guys are the first. You guys are the first ones who loaded up a bin.
(laughter)
Nance: I have to put a #1 on your bin!
Mark, Andrew, Sara, Chad: Yah!!!!!
Sayre discovers the steathy aspects of bucketpooing...
Sayre:
so, just to fill you in on some delightful testhole developments...
I am finding that I am holding my poo when I am out so that I can poo in my bucket at home instead of a flush toilet.
I have found that pooing and peeing in sawdust is very quiet, with no resonating splashy tinkling sounds. Bucketpooing is so quiet in fact, that I pooed while on a conference call and no one had any idea that's what I was doing. Tee hee hee!
Nance:
you are a nutty nut nut.
i am soooo happy.
imagine if they had said something like this:"what was that muffled thud?"
what would your reply have been?
Sayre:
I would have blamed it on the cats of course.
hee hee hee
so, just to fill you in on some delightful testhole developments...
I am finding that I am holding my poo when I am out so that I can poo in my bucket at home instead of a flush toilet.
I have found that pooing and peeing in sawdust is very quiet, with no resonating splashy tinkling sounds. Bucketpooing is so quiet in fact, that I pooed while on a conference call and no one had any idea that's what I was doing. Tee hee hee!
Nance:
you are a nutty nut nut.
i am soooo happy.
imagine if they had said something like this:"what was that muffled thud?"
what would your reply have been?
Sayre:
I would have blamed it on the cats of course.
hee hee hee
Prehistoric Pooping!
Sean D. says:
Here's an interesting exchange I had concerning ancient poo recycling With Dr. Dennis L. Jenkins, the Senior Staff Archaeologist/Archaeological Field School Director of the University of Oregon Museum of Natural and Cultural History.
Sean:
Dear Dr. Jenkins,
Not knowing much about the behavior of our Homo sapien ancestors, such
as it might have been, 14,300 years ago, in what's now Oregon, I'm
curious about the placement of the coprolites you've uncovered. It
seems as if, if these caves were used for shelter, cooking, etc., that
it might have been a good idea to excrete elsewhere. I'm assuming it's
potentially hard to speculate, but based on your expertise, do you
think it's possible that certain caves were used as latrines at
certain times? Or perhaps just once or twice? I can imagine that these
individuals might not have been super-fastidious, but it seems like
small measures like the separation of food and feces might have been
survival mechanism-style behaviors.
Yours sincerely,
Sean D
Dennis:
Hi Sean,
People tend to defecate in particular areas of a cave (alcoves, cracks in boulders, pits in floors, etc.) or just outside it. They are more or less storing waste material that could potentially provide an emergency food source that might mean the difference between life and death. Seeds which have not been entirely digested can be retrieved, cleaned and consumed again, believe it or not. This has been termed the 2nd harvest by the Seri, I believe. Hope this helps.
Dennis
Sean:
Dennis,
Thanks so much for your reply. It's incredibly helpful information, and connects some dots for me. It makes perfect sense. I hadn't thought of "the second harvest," but I've read about such things in a sometimes questionable book called The Scatologic rites of All Nations by John G. Bourke, specifically concerning the Indians of "Lower California" and cactus seeds. I've also noticed the practice of seed retrieval from goat dung to make Argan oil in Morocco, and not least the Philippine, Palm Civet-digested Kopi Luwak coffee beans, which are so value-added that they fetch steep prices. I'm definitely sympathetic to the view that modern humans share more predilections and habits with our ancient ancestors than we may realize, which is why certain parts of regional continuity seem to ring true, not least the idea that Homo sapiens interbred successfully with those they encountered as they traveled.
Thanks again,
Sean D
Here's an interesting exchange I had concerning ancient poo recycling With Dr. Dennis L. Jenkins, the Senior Staff Archaeologist/Archaeological Field School Director of the University of Oregon Museum of Natural and Cultural History.
Sean:
Dear Dr. Jenkins,
Not knowing much about the behavior of our Homo sapien ancestors, such
as it might have been, 14,300 years ago, in what's now Oregon, I'm
curious about the placement of the coprolites you've uncovered. It
seems as if, if these caves were used for shelter, cooking, etc., that
it might have been a good idea to excrete elsewhere. I'm assuming it's
potentially hard to speculate, but based on your expertise, do you
think it's possible that certain caves were used as latrines at
certain times? Or perhaps just once or twice? I can imagine that these
individuals might not have been super-fastidious, but it seems like
small measures like the separation of food and feces might have been
survival mechanism-style behaviors.
Yours sincerely,
Sean D
Dennis:
Hi Sean,
People tend to defecate in particular areas of a cave (alcoves, cracks in boulders, pits in floors, etc.) or just outside it. They are more or less storing waste material that could potentially provide an emergency food source that might mean the difference between life and death. Seeds which have not been entirely digested can be retrieved, cleaned and consumed again, believe it or not. This has been termed the 2nd harvest by the Seri, I believe. Hope this helps.
Dennis
Sean:
Dennis,
Thanks so much for your reply. It's incredibly helpful information, and connects some dots for me. It makes perfect sense. I hadn't thought of "the second harvest," but I've read about such things in a sometimes questionable book called The Scatologic rites of All Nations by John G. Bourke, specifically concerning the Indians of "Lower California" and cactus seeds. I've also noticed the practice of seed retrieval from goat dung to make Argan oil in Morocco, and not least the Philippine, Palm Civet-digested Kopi Luwak coffee beans, which are so value-added that they fetch steep prices. I'm definitely sympathetic to the view that modern humans share more predilections and habits with our ancient ancestors than we may realize, which is why certain parts of regional continuity seem to ring true, not least the idea that Homo sapiens interbred successfully with those they encountered as they traveled.
Thanks again,
Sean D
Innovations, injury, and family shit from Mark
Nance/Humble Pile,
I sent my dad some x-rated photos of extremely anatomically accurate
vegetable shapes and he sent me an e-mnail back that I wish I had saved,
that basically said
"That's about as funny as the news of your human-shit-composting experiment. I continue to have higher hopes for you."
2 lines. Like a dagger.
I told him that if we didn't shift our dogma toward shit, sex, and food
that our culture will end with a crash (as if it won't already).
____________________________
I think I may be the first one who rececived a test hole injury today,
when taking my own advice I wiped my butt with that thick brown paper and
sustained a paper cut wound to the upper crack. Luckily it missed the test
hole.
____________________________
I finally figured out a good wiping system, and I haven't sliced my butt
since that first day (I started using a softer brown paper).
For all my fellow test holers: Revolutionizing shitting is a big piece,
but revolutionizing wiping is a step beyond even yet. "Sure I'll shit in a
bucket, no problem. I'm a bad ass (I'm hard-core, etc.)" BUT(T), ARE YOU
WILLING TO TOUCH YOUR SHIT? I'm not just trying to proffer a
"grosser-than-thou" adolescent one-upmanship yucky contest. I'm saying
wiping with an industrially prefabricated paper product is as nutso as
shitting into purified drinking water. I have been waiting for a vehicle
for my campaign for years, and finally through Humble Pile I have found
it. That campaign is:
WIPE WITH WATER!!! It even has a certain ring to it. Here's how it works.
My friend coined the perfect question for this proposition. It both
illustrates the point and gives serious post-food for thought. The
question is... Should someone approach you and smear shit on your face,
would you:
a) wipe it off,
OR
b) wash it off.
"Ah-ha!" most people say. But another clever friend said "I would wipe it
off and then wash it off." Good answer.
And so it came to pass, my perfect wiping system that I recommend for
test-holers everywhere:
Go to your nearest grocery dumpster (I use Red Hen bakery on Milwaukee Ave
where I can pick up pastries and bread along with my toilet paper: the
poop fuel and the clean-up product in one!) where you will find a plethora
of clean brown paper bags, cleanly packed in garbage bags. Use that paper
to wipe and then pitch it right in your montoncito humil. THEN, when you
are already wiped up, using a small jar, proceed to the toilet to clean
the rest. To take those of you by the hand who may be faint of heart and
walk you through it: with one hand pour the water over your crack, with
the other scrub-a-rub your test hole until it is squeaky clean. To prove
the hygienicism of this system, you can even smell your fingers afterward-
if done right there should only be the smell of roses on your baby-soft
skin. And, of course, wash your hands well with herbal soaps made from
dumpstered animal fat. The beauty of this is that there is so little poop
on your 0 that you will not have to flush the toilet, and you won't be
adding a bunch of water to make your pile unpresentable to diplomats,
senators, building inspectors, and other varmants.
Enjoy, poop away, and savor the nutrient cycle!
"The trouble is that once you see it, you can't unsee it. And once you've
seen it, keeping quiet, saying nothing, becomes as political an act as
speaking out. There's no innocence. Either way, you're accountable."
-- Arundhati Roy
I sent my dad some x-rated photos of extremely anatomically accurate
vegetable shapes and he sent me an e-mnail back that I wish I had saved,
that basically said
"That's about as funny as the news of your human-shit-composting experiment. I continue to have higher hopes for you."
2 lines. Like a dagger.
I told him that if we didn't shift our dogma toward shit, sex, and food
that our culture will end with a crash (as if it won't already).
____________________________
I think I may be the first one who rececived a test hole injury today,
when taking my own advice I wiped my butt with that thick brown paper and
sustained a paper cut wound to the upper crack. Luckily it missed the test
hole.
____________________________
I finally figured out a good wiping system, and I haven't sliced my butt
since that first day (I started using a softer brown paper).
For all my fellow test holers: Revolutionizing shitting is a big piece,
but revolutionizing wiping is a step beyond even yet. "Sure I'll shit in a
bucket, no problem. I'm a bad ass (I'm hard-core, etc.)" BUT(T), ARE YOU
WILLING TO TOUCH YOUR SHIT? I'm not just trying to proffer a
"grosser-than-thou" adolescent one-upmanship yucky contest. I'm saying
wiping with an industrially prefabricated paper product is as nutso as
shitting into purified drinking water. I have been waiting for a vehicle
for my campaign for years, and finally through Humble Pile I have found
it. That campaign is:
WIPE WITH WATER!!! It even has a certain ring to it. Here's how it works.
My friend coined the perfect question for this proposition. It both
illustrates the point and gives serious post-food for thought. The
question is... Should someone approach you and smear shit on your face,
would you:
a) wipe it off,
OR
b) wash it off.
"Ah-ha!" most people say. But another clever friend said "I would wipe it
off and then wash it off." Good answer.
And so it came to pass, my perfect wiping system that I recommend for
test-holers everywhere:
Go to your nearest grocery dumpster (I use Red Hen bakery on Milwaukee Ave
where I can pick up pastries and bread along with my toilet paper: the
poop fuel and the clean-up product in one!) where you will find a plethora
of clean brown paper bags, cleanly packed in garbage bags. Use that paper
to wipe and then pitch it right in your montoncito humil. THEN, when you
are already wiped up, using a small jar, proceed to the toilet to clean
the rest. To take those of you by the hand who may be faint of heart and
walk you through it: with one hand pour the water over your crack, with
the other scrub-a-rub your test hole until it is squeaky clean. To prove
the hygienicism of this system, you can even smell your fingers afterward-
if done right there should only be the smell of roses on your baby-soft
skin. And, of course, wash your hands well with herbal soaps made from
dumpstered animal fat. The beauty of this is that there is so little poop
on your 0 that you will not have to flush the toilet, and you won't be
adding a bunch of water to make your pile unpresentable to diplomats,
senators, building inspectors, and other varmants.
Enjoy, poop away, and savor the nutrient cycle!
"The trouble is that once you see it, you can't unsee it. And once you've
seen it, keeping quiet, saying nothing, becomes as political an act as
speaking out. There's no innocence. Either way, you're accountable."
-- Arundhati Roy
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